You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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