Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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