I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
