You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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