Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I touched a dick in church today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
