If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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