Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
