On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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