At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
