I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
