i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize