That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
