I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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