So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
