I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
