dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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