The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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