Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
