One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'