Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies