So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.