i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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