He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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