Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's blow job season.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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