Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My vagina just recognized that song.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
