I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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