Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
