Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
