..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
