I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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