tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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