Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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