so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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