Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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