i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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