Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
