Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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