did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
