Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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