Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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