There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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