My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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