please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
