he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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