just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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