whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
