dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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