i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
