Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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