is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
