he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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