you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Enjoy the penises
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
