I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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