The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
