I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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