I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
