I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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