She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
