We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
