I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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