peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
