Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
