so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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