No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
