I'm so fucking centered right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
