At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
