I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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