a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize