Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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